Category Archives: Sex Toys

Why don’t men have good sex toys?

Over the past few decades, women’s sex toys have gone from seedy to chic, swapping the aisles of porn shops for those of Walgreens and Target. But when it comes to products intended to stimulate the penis, there hasn’t been much change. One of the most popular masturbation products for men,the Fleshlight, has remained largely the same since its inception in 1998 — and even that product isn’t much different from the anatomically inspired masturbation sleeves that have been sold to men for decades.

WHILE WOMEN’S SEX TOYS HAVE GONE FROM SEEDY TO CHIC, MEN’S… HAVEN’TThere are lots of different theories about why women’s products dominate the sex toy market. Some suggest that it’s a question of demand: men just don’t want or need masturbatory assistance in the same way that women do. Others have noted that the kind of products that are sold to men tend to be too graphic to make a play for the mainstream market — the aforementioned Fleshlight, with its vulval exterior and porn-star-laden packaging, isn’t really the best fit for Walmart.

But what if those explanations don’t get it right? What if the real thing that’s holding penis-focused toys back is our cultural attitude toward male masturbation?

Paradoxically, male self-pleasure is simultaneously more accepted and more shameful than its female counterpart. While it’s broadly assumed that men — especially young men and ones who are single — will more readily find a way to give themselves a hand, it’s not viewed as the kind of sexual education that female masturbation is. Women are encouraged to masturbate to learn what they like and experience more fulfilling sex with a partner; men are presumed to masturbate as a replacement for sex.

In addition, when men do masturbate, it’s not really considered something to celebrate. Masturbation is a fallback for the lonely and unloved, a sign that you’re too undesirable to get a living, breathing human to have sex with you. It’s not about getting to know your body, it’s a shameful strategy for achieving the goal of orgasm; and for many, that means that it’s best when through with as quickly as possible.

“MOST MEN LEARN TO MASTURBATE AS QUICKLY AND AS QUIETLY AS POSSIBLE”

“Most men learn to masturbate as quickly and quietly as possible, or [while] watching porn,” says sex coach Charlie Glickman, the former education program manager for sex toy retail Good Vibrations. “The idea is grab it tight as you can, jerk your hands back and forth as fast as you can… when that becomes our habit [we miss out on] all of the other pleasure that can come from sexuality.”

Statistics from PornHub uphold this view: the average user visit is under 10 minutes — and that includes all the time spent finding a good clip and locating the best moment. Is it any surprise that our attitude of “Get it done quick, and do your best to pretend you’re with a real person” has led to a class of pleasure products that no one is bragging about?

That’s why CT Schenk created Blewit !. A 12-year veteran of the sex toy industry, Schenk is intimately familiar with the shame that surrounds male self-pleasure, and wanted to create a product that would combat the shame around male masturbation. Though other manufacturers — Tenga, Lelo, and FunFactory, to name a few — have also begun to offer a classier alternative to Fleshlight-like products; Schenk’s one of the few to explicitly make the connection between shame around masturbation, the quality of men’s sex toys, and the effect this all has on male sexual health.

blrewit-male-sex-toy02

A view of Blewit!’s sex toy. (Blewit!)

At first glance, Blewit! appears pretty similar to most other penis-focused toys on the market. It has a hard outer shell; a soft, textured inner sleeve; and, well, you can probably figure out how it’s used. But there are some design features that differentiate it from its competitors — it’s sleek and easy to grip, clean-up is a breeze, and the opening doesn’t mimic any part of the human body. Its marketing, though, is what really sets it apart.

Schenk isn’t trying to sell an erotic fantasy: there are no pictures of beautiful porn performers on the packaging or website, no attempts to liken the product to being inside anyone’s body. What he offers instead is the idea of Blewit! as “pleasure training,” a device designed to help men learn more about their bodies — while also helping to combat common sexual problems. If this sounds familiar, it’s because that’s how women’s sex toys went mainstream.

Schenk believes that shame around masturbation — and the rapid-fire masturbatory habits it inspires — contributes to issues like premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and the inability to climax with a partner. In addition to the product itself, Schenk’s worked with sex therapists and educators to develop a series of education materials that promote “mindful masturbation,” a slower, more thoughtful self-pleasure process that encourages the body to appreciate subtler stimulation.

Blewit! hasn’t broken into big-box stores yet, and it may not cross into the mainstream for a while. If it — or any other male masturbation products — do manage to make it there, it’ll likely be thanks in part to Schenk’s work to recontextualize male self-pleasure as a healthy part of the human sexual experience.

It took decades for female masturbation to go from completely undiscussed to a celebrated aspect of healthy sexuality. Male masturbation has different challenges: shedding myths, misconceptions, and a whole host of bad habits as it makes its way to the mainstream. But if the mainstreaming of women’s sex toys has taught us anything, it’s that the rewards of overcoming those obstacles are more than worth it.

 

By Lux Alptraum

6 Sex Toys That Work Great for Women … and Are Not Shaped Like a You-Know-What

I’ve always side-eyed phallic sex toys, and aesthetics is definitely one of the reasons why. Personally, I don’t want a toy that enters the Uncanny Dick Valley. (Veins! Bulges! Out-of-scale frenulums!) That being said, I also don’t want something that looks like it belongs on a Pikmin.

My bigger qualm, though, is functionality. A very informal survey of my friends reveals that most women don’t orgasm vaginally and use toys that are built for penetration mostly externally. I can’t say I’m surprised, though, since I kind of thought that dildos were like seat belts, medicine, and guitars

—created without much thought to how anyone other than a man would use them.

For that matter, just because I’m doing something sexual doesn’t mean I need a dick-analogue involved. It’s like insisting all vegetarians MUST want fake meat. Sometimes it’s just not necessary, and I’m good, thanks.

Nevertheless, it seems like dick-shaped vibrators and dildos are the default, unless you do some digging. Which I did, because I’m a giver.

 

$119 and Babeland

It kinda looks like a knockoff beautyblender, right? The cool thing about all Minna products, (including the Ola, which I own), is that the vibration settings are totally tactile. The harder you squeeze the toy, the harder it vibrates. Super-easy, and more intuitive than D-pads (Why do they need so many arrows? I’m not putting cheat codes into it) on a lot of toys that I always end up snapping my nails off trying to use.

Oh! Also! It’s completely waterproof and way more fun in the bath than a rubber dick. Duck. Whatever.

Njoy Pure Wand

I know this thing looks terrifying, and it kind of is, but if stainless steel isn’t already involved in your sex life, it should be. You can use every type of lube with it, it holds temperature FOREVER, and it’s non-porous, so it’s really easy to clean.

Before I bought this, I definitely thought insertable sextoys were total bunk made by men who had no idea how women have sex and couldn’t see beyond their own anatomy. I don’t normally like being proven wrong, but it’s not so bad when being proven wrong = g-spot orgasms.

Pro-tip, though: don’t drop it. It dented my floor.

Njoy Pure Wand, $108 at Babeland, and Jimmyjane Form 2, $149 at Jimmyjane

Jimmyjane Form 2

OK, imagine you had the best Rabbit vibrator in the entire world, but instead of relying on the vibration transferred from the motor in the shaft, there were individual motors in each of the ears. Now ditch the entire shaft part and the creepy bunny face, and you have the Form 2.

I had a product crush on this thing for the longest time, and for a solid three months I would pop into Babeland, mess around with it, put it back, and walk out. There was a Jimmyjane sale where they’d throw in an extra vibrator (a good one, not a little finger vibe) with your order, so I finally pulled the trigger.

IT’S SO WORTH IT. It’s like masturbating with surround sound.

Hitachi Magic Wand

The "Gee Whiz Combo" is 118 at Babeland

This is often described as the “Cadillac of vibrators,” but frankly, it’s more of a KitchenAid. While the wand itself is so high-powered that I probably can’t be within five feet of it and while it will get you off in the same amount of time it takes to plug it in, the sheer variety of attachments for this thing is mind-boggling.

A flutter tip? You got it. A nuzzle tip?Sure. Not to mention the standard rabbits, g-spot attachments, and, if you’re feeling generous, some guy-centric prostate and sleeve attachments.

Womanizer Delight

 

$189 at Babeland

Most of these sex toys haven’t exactly been discreet, but you could maybe leave the Womanizer out in your shower and convince your cleaning lady it was for reducing crow’s feet or shrinking your pores or something. Maybe. I have no idea if that works from personal experience at all.

This isn’t exclusively a vibrator, and, to my knowledge, it’s pretty unique as far as sex toys go in that it uses suction. If feels as close as you can get to real-deal oral sex.

Lovelife Wanderlust

$95 at Adam & Eve

Do you want to get off and also feel like you’re in Sailor Moon? Same.

The Wanderlust is a great, non-tacky option for bachelorette parties or that one friend who’s too afraid to buy their own toys. I’m normally against cutesy sex toys, but this one is an exception because it’s… minimal? Whimsical? If ModCloth sold sex toys, they’d definitely stock this one.

By Caitlin

Wearable sex toys: Technology takes a step ahead in erotica

While sex toys have been available since long, it’s only recently that many of these erotic toys have been advancing with a faster pace. With older sex toys being passive, newer ones are more advanced and have electronics built into each of them. These are now wirelessly connected and operated using smartphones and the internet to help individuals and couples experience a better sex life. Take for example the electronic lingerie made by Durex, which allows your partner to fondle you over the internet using a smarpthone. These types of sex toys are targeted towards couples that stay away from each other and work in different cities. To bring back the spark in their sex lives, many companies are taking advantage of technology.

This time is it a different type of erotic wearables. A new line of sex toys are here that allows you to explore the future of sexual arousal. The wearable sex toys are from Wisp, which focuses more on the pleasures of stimulation and less on the physical aspect. Wisp devices are meant to be worn and placed on sensitive zones for sexual arousal and stimulation. These devices incorporate miniature motors and vibrators which simulate a gentle touch or air-blowing on the skin to mimic a lover’s touch or breath. Using this technology, men and women can take advantage of these wearables to intensify their sexual experiences.

The project was completed in 6 months. Each wearable incorporates motors and soft, furry material and can be adjusted to different intensities. Multiple tiny motors work together to create sensations similar to sexual stimulation of the skin.

Wisp presently has two products—Whisper and Air. While Whisper is a flexible pad that mimics a lovers breath, it also has a few heating elements for additional sensations. Air is a necklace that uses various elements, including perfumer, audio simulation and an air-blowing mechanism.

How sex toys really helped me navigate my sexuality after coming out

I realized I was queer when I was in college.

I’d always had extremely close female friendships, but it took me a while to admit that the “girl crushes” I’d had weren’t girl crushes at all — they were legitimate, romantic, sexual crushes.

Figuring out your sexuality is one thing. Figuring out your sex life when you aren’t straight is just as hard, if not harder. In the U.S., we’re considered lucky if we have sex education classes that go beyond abstinence, but LGBT-specific sex education is basically non-existent. According to Guttmacher Institute, only 13 states require discussion of sexual orientation in sex ed, with nine being inclusive discussion of sexual orientation and four requiring that it be negative information.

Long story short? You have to really seek out accurate portrayals of not just healthy sexuality, but healthy queer sexuality, on your own. Learning how to have queer sex isn’t something that just lands in your lap.

 

As a result, my coming out was also a lesson in broadening my understanding of my sexuality as a whole. I had to ask myself new questions. For years as a straight girl, I’d assumed I’d do the PIV-sex thing and be done with it. But now, as a queer girl, I had to ask myself what I wanted my sex life to look like. What did I want it to entail?

At first, I tried out the usual suspects, reading about how girls had sex and looking up sex tips and advice online, but much of it catered to straight people, especially straight men. I wasn’t seeing much that centered on my own pleasure or that offered up actual advice. I mean, try looking up “lesbian sex.” I will pretty much guarantee that you’re going to land on porn.

I decided to kick other people’s thoughts and ideas about my sex life aside and make my own decisions. It was up to me to navigate my own sexuality. Sex toys ended up playing a major part in that.

According to the Autostraddle Sex Survey, over 50 percent of queer women use strap-ons, dildos and vibrators when they have sex. Because we’re breaking the norms of sex from the get-go, it sort of feels like you may as well just go for it and figure out how to have the best sex ever. Still, though, I was nervous.

 

As a queer woman still learning how sex between women was “supposed to” work, I felt a little hesitant and nervous about sex with other women to begin with. Adding sex toys felt risky, like it would make me gain or lose “queer points” if I chose a toy that made me seem like a straight girl.

There’s a lot of judgment surrounding bi women to begin with, so I was always worrying about having other women shame me for my decisions and decide I was just a straight girl experimenting instead of a real, live bi girl. With people assuming lesbians are “less gay” because they like strap-ons, or questioning how “real lesbians” have sex (as opposed to all those “fake ones” that seem to exist…?), there’s very real pressure to have queer sex the right way, even though you’re never told what that right way is.

So it felt revolutionary the first time I sat down with a regular hookup and said, “Have you ever tried out sex toys?” She looked at me for a moment before smiling and saying that she had a few times, and then we were able to get to know each other on a new level. We were opening up and being vulnerable and having a conversation that more people need to have — an open, honest and judgment-free conversation about how we wanted to have sex.

When you’re shopping for, talking about and even using sex toys, you’re entering into a space where rules — the suffocating ones that make us question ourselves before we express a need to our partners — don’t apply. Consent becomes real, instead of theoretical. Pleasure becomes real instead of theoretical. You have to spell it out and say, “This is what I like,” and “This is what I don’t like.” And I think that, queer or not, we’re all bound to have better sex when we’re not holding back, not in the sex shop — and not in bed.

 

By Rachel Charlene Lewis

Masturbation Month: How to have better orgasms

Okay, before we get into this, I have something important to say.

Sex is not all about orgasms. You can still have a great time without having one. Sex is not a goal-based activity that’s only being ‘done right’ if you both have an earth-shattering climax. The female orgasm is not activated through the pressing of a button, it doesn’t happen every time, and neither person has failed if it isn’t achieved – as long as you’ve both enjoyed yourself.

That being said, orgasms are a glorious thing.

And throughout masturbation month (that’s the month of May, by the way. Pop it in your calendar for next year), what we’ve really been getting at is the idea that if you want a better sex life and, as a result, better orgasms, the best course of action is having sex solo, and working out exactly what it is that gets you off – and exactly how to do it.

Which is why the first tip on our guide to having better orgasms is experimenting, and being open to trying new things. Once you’ve got into that open, up-for-exploring mindset, you can move on to the other things on the list to improve not just the likelihood of having orgasms, but also their intensity and general joy.

Here’s what you need to know to get the best orgasms yet.

1. Schedule in time to work out what you like

I asked the masturbation geniuses behind OMGYes for their tips on having the best orgasms, and their response was eye-opening.

They gave me a trial of their website, which has interactive (no, seriously, you’re stimulating a woman through your mouse and she’s providing feedback. It’s intense) guides to some ways that real women make themselves come.

What was really interesting is how specific each of the women were about what works for them. One mentioned how she liked a medium pressure on a certain point to the left of the labia. Another preferred teasing timed to a T.

The only way they could possibly know this? By dedicating some serious time to masturbation, trying things out, and following what feels good.

So copy them. Write it in your planner if you need to. Be open to trusting in your own pleasure.

2. If you’re unsure of where to start when masturbating, here are some moves that lots of women enjoy

Data provided by OMGYes.

Location of touches preferred by women:

  • Around the clit and hood – preferred by 1 in 2 women
  • Brushing over the clit with no pressure – preferred by 1 in 4 women
  • No touching of the clit at all – preferred by 1 in 20 women
  • Pressure on the mons, above where pubic hair grows – preferred by 1 in 12 women

Types of pressure women prefer:

  • 31% of women love pressure so light it glides over the wetness, not even the skin
  • 25% of women love light pressure that moves over the skin, but doesn’t grip
  • 33% of women love medium pressure that gently grips and actually moves the skin
  • 11% of women love firm, massaging pressure that pushes deep into the skin

Type of strokes preferred (most women rotate between several, which is why the % adds up to more than 100):

  • 64% Up and down
  • 30% Side-to-side
  • 50% Circular
  • 21% Pulsating in one spot
  • 19% Pushing/pressing in one spot
  • 16% Flicking
  • 14% Tall ovals
  • 11% Tapping
  • 10% Diagonal
  • 10% Wide ovals
  • 8% Squeezing/pinching
  • 5% Pulling

3. Do your kegels

No, not just the ones you do every time you read the word ‘kegels’ and remember you’re supposed to be doing something with your vag muscles.

You want to be doing a round of kegels about three times a week to really see the benefits (better orgasms and less likelihood of peeing when you sneeze. Great stuff).

Here’s how they’re done.

How to do kegels:

  • Pretend you’re trying to stop peeing mid-flow. Feel those muscles? Those are the ones you need to squeeze
  • Squeeze the muscles for three seconds, without clenching your stomach, thighs, or bum (if they’re the things that are clenching, you go back to step one) and relax for three seconds
  • Repeat around ten times. Don’t do too many as you may start feeling sore.
  • Once they feel really easy, you can increase the number of seconds you squeeze until you’re up to ten seconds each time

There are also products like LELO’s Luna Smart Bead that can provide feedback on your kegels as you do them, so you won’t be worrying that you’re using the completely wrong muscles.

4. Stop faking your orgasms

But before you do THAT, you’ll need to be honest with your partner and make it very, very clear that orgasms don’t happen every time, and it’s not a failure on their part if it just doesn’t happen. That’s important.

Then you’ll be able to feel more comfortable with not having to fake it, because the pressure to climax won’t be there.

 

The 24 emotional stages of faking an orgasm

That way you can relax (increasing your chance of having a real orgasm), but it’ll also open up the lines of communication about what does get you off.

Because if your partner thinks you’re cumming every time, they’re convinced that what they’re doing is working. If it isn’t, it’s time to open up about it and start having the amazing sex you deserve.

5. Don’t underestimate the power of teasing

Sex toy brand LELO told us that the most intense orgasms tend to be the ones that are staved off as long as possible.

‘An orgasm has a kind of potential energy, like a twisted elastic band,’ they explained.

‘The longer it’s twisted, the more energy it will release, and the same is true of the energy released at climax.’

So go slow and do loads of build up – whether you’re having sex solo or with a partner – and try slowing down just when you’re about to have an orgasm, then slowly starting up again, to tease yourself to a stronger, more intense orgasm.

6. Don’t feel weird about watching porn

You might be into it. Drop the stigma and find porn that you like.

Or, try subscribing to OMGYes. It’s not porn, but offers instructional videos to get you feeling inspired, masturbation-wise. It’s life-changing, trust us.

How to have better orgasms

7. Remember that the majority of women experience clitoral orgasms rather than G-spot orgasms

Many people don’t even think the G-spot exists.

So try to focus on stimulating the clit, whether it’s friction, gentle stroking over the hood, or tapping motions that work best for you. Don’t feel like a failure if you’re not cumming through purely penetrative stuff – very few women actually do.

8. Check your medication

If you’re never having orgasms or consistently having weaker orgasms than you’d usually expect, it’s definitely worth checking the side-effects of any medication you’re taking.

Painkillers can throw off your orgasms, and many anti-depressants can reduce your sexual pleasure. Chat to your doctor about it if you think there’s a problem – switching to a different brand might make things SO much better.

9. Try a new masturbation position

LELO recommends sitting upright with your back against a headboard or a wall, with the soles of your feet facing each other (kind of like that lotus position in yoga). This position improves blood flow to your vagina and allows better control of your muscles, increasing the likelihood of orgasm. Exciting.

10. There are certain times that your orgasms are more intense

Just FYI, where you are in your cycle can affect the strength of your orgasms. A study of 18-35 year old women showed that orgasms are strongest on the 14th day of the menstrual cycle (when you’re ovulating), as the clitoris swells up to 20% more than usual.

So maybe take note and schedule in some downtime then.

11. Be open to trying a sex toy

We get that it can be a bit intimidating to shop for a vibrator for the first time (which is why we wrote up a guide).

But if you’re struggling to orgasm alone or just want to make things a bit more fun, it’s definitely worth trying out a tool specifically designed for that purpose.

12. Try orgasm-friendly breathing techniques

Kind of like meditation, but for orgasms. Here’s a good guide.

13. Make your orgasms a priority

No, orgasms are not the sole purpose of sex and masturbation, and you can still have pleasure without having one.

But we need to stop acting like being entirely orgasm free every. single. time. is okay. It’s not. You deserve orgasms. They’ll do you a world of good.

6 girls answer the questions boys want to know about female masturbation

If you’re having sex with someone and they’re consistently finishing before you, feeling disappointed that you haven’t come, but not actually asking how to make you climax, you need to bring it up. Now.

Next time you have sex focus on your pleasure. Or if you’re not having sex with other people right now, actively schedule in some time for yourself to have orgasms.

Your pleasure can’t be the bottom thing on your to-do list. It’s important. It’s time to make it happen.

 

By Ellen Scott

So-so sex lives leave Brits calling for more intense pleasure

New research has outed Britain as a sexually unsatisfied nation – with a mere third describing their sex life as ‘good’, and just 15 per cent saying their bedroom action is ‘great’.

The study, commissioned by Durex, reveals that almost two thirds of people would like to have special sex more often – but half of us are too embarrassed, tired or simply clueless when it comes to suggesting new things in the sack.

We spoke to Alix Fox, sex and relationship expert, about how Brits might combat these issues and have a satisfied sex life again.

Why do so many Brits only see their sex life as ‘good’ and not ‘great’?

“A recent survey showed that only a teeny weeny 1% of people in the UK reckon they’re having ‘epic’ sex,” Fox reveals. “Of course, their responses may have been coloured by classic British modesty – Brits aren’t known as a nation of braggers, so maybe some respondents were simply trying to avoid showing off about the awesome adventures they get up to between the sheets – but sadly, I suspect there’s some depressing repression at play here.”

“British culture is moving towards talking more openly about sex, and it’s becoming much more acceptable to express fantasies and fetishes to your partner or suggest trying toys, techniques or titillating role plays. But- a huge number of Brits still find it hard to tell their lovers that something isn’t working for them in bed, or they get too nervous about making new suggestions,” she reflects. “In fact, that same survey showed that 50% of people hardly ever feel they can pipe up about wanting to switch things up sexually, whether that’s due to embarrassment, not knowing how to broach the subject, or being clueless about exactly what to propose. As a result, they clam up and put up with having the same old stagnant sex that’s merely middling, rather than mind-blowing.”

What may cause couples to abandon sex altogether?

“There are so many reasons why couples’ bumping ‘n’ grinding can grind to a halt. Stressful jobs can leave folks feeling too frazzled for lovemaking; medications like anti-depressants and (ironically) hormonal contraception can suppress sex drive; issues with body image or erectile dysfunction as people age can knock carnal confidence. After years and years as a pair, lovers can gradually get lazy or overfamiliar with each other,” the sexpert says. “15% of Brits have admitted that their sex lives are completely non-existent.”

“The good news is that there are a huge number of possible solutions to all these issues,” Fox states. “And they all begin with communication…”

Why if a couple has been together for a long time are they embarrassed about introducing new things into the bedroom?
“When couples have been in love for so long that it seems they must have paid for their first date using shillings, they can develop very deep-set habits together,” says Fox. “Suggesting something that breaks those habits or shakes up a well-worn routine can feel like a really big, daunting thing to do. People can worry that their partner will be shocked if they suggest introducing something fresh to sex, or even suspicious or hurt – they fear a reaction like ‘You mean to say I’ve not been satisfying you all this time? Have you been faking orgasms and happiness for decades?’, or ‘Why do you want to change things now? What’s got into you?’. Statistics show that in most cases, though, long-term partners really welcome their lovers making moves to spice things up, and they’ve often been searching for a way to propose the same things themselves.”

What is ‘special sex’ and why do couples want it more?
“The precise specifics of what makes sex ‘special’ will be different for different people, but generally I think this means ‘memorable for positive reasons’ – whether that’s because you made a dedicated effort to explore something new (whether that’s a vibrator, a stimulating gel, a position, a scenario…), or because you really concentrated on each other’s sensations and emotions during lovemaking,” Fox muses.

“Sex that is not special equals: sex that’s forgettable, so predictable it’s boring; sex where you’re not mentally ‘in the moment’, because you’re fretting, distracted, too knackered, or not concentrating on you and your partner’s feelings; or sex that leaves one or both of you feeling unsatisfied or disappointed,” she continues.

“I think it’s obvious why people crave more of the former! Special sex can leave you feeling elated; un-special sex can make you feel deflated.”

Why can pleasure rings be a good place to start?

“If you’re looking for an easy way to amp up your intimate antics, a simple cock ring like the newly launched Durex Pleasure Ring is a fantastic way to introduce something extra to your sexual repertoire,” Fox advises. “It’s a squidgy, stretchy, comfy-to-wear clear silicone band that fits over the base of his penis – nothing scary or complicated. Use a little water-based lubricant to help it slip on and feel comfy. It will help him stay harder for longer, without chemicals or pills, giving his ego a boost and giving you both more time to make love; and it also has the added bonus of making intercourse feel more intense for him. At around a fiver, it’s a very affordable toy that has a whole host of benefits. If you wanna ring the changes, grab a ring!”

Why is communication so important when it comes to livening up your sex life?
“Unless you’re dating Derren Brown, your lover isn’t a mind reader,” Fox answers, “and I bet even Derren would have trouble guessing that you fancied testing out a G-spot vibrator or trying a thinner condom or wanted him to move his finger in circles rather than up and down. There’s only so much a partner can tell from body language and vague hints. Unless you and your amore are communicating properly, you’re simply not going to know what each other’s thoughts and desires and preferences and wonderings are. They may be very different to when you first started dating. Communication needs to be something couples do constantly, as they evolve over time as individuals and as a pair. As well as being useful for improving sex, good communication can be a turn-on in itself. Think about how hot it is to hear someone whisper in your ear exactly how they want you to touch them; listen to them read out a scorching scene from their favourite erotic novel; or read a naughty text from them while you’re at work, spelling out what they want to do when you get home.”

Why is it better to start simple with sex toys?

“The technology that goes into sex toys these days is outstandingly advanced,” Fox says. “There are saucy gadgets that do everything from heat up to communicate with mobile phones to administer tiny electric shocks for those who are turned on by pain! But if you jump straight into the deep end and buy something too complex, advanced or specialist, it can be overwhelming, or intimidating, or give off far too intense a sensation for a beginner to handle.”

“The best way to learn what suits you and your partner in terms of toys like is to start simple,” she counsels. “Choose a toy that’s small, straightforward, and friendly-looking, so your lover is less likely to freak out when you bring it out! Experiment to see what you both enjoy – the types of vibration and movement you like, the parts of your body you like to be stimulated – then build on from there.”

Why shouldn’t couples simply settle when it comes to their sex life? If they are having sex – is that not enough?
“To me, saying ‘Well, we’re having OK-ish, kinda-meh, mediocre sex, but I guess it’ll do – at least we’re having sex at all’ can be compared to saying ‘I could have this unforgettably delicious multiple-course Michelin-starred meal, but I’ll settle for a boring bowl of plain pasta – at least we’re eating!'” reasons Fox. “It seems such a shame, such a wasted opportunity, when couples don’t feel sufficiently inspired or motivated to make their intimate moments emotionally deeper and physically more satisfying,” she laments. “Good sex has the capacity to bring so much positivity to your relationship and your life in general. It can help relieve stress; make couples feel more connected and happy together; it can teach you so much about your own psychology; and it genuinely has the capacity to be one of the most exquisitely pleasurable and moving activities it’s possible to experience as a human being. Plus, it’s free! Having your best sex can take some effort, though, much like learning to cook properly rather than merely making toast. If your bedroom activity consists of just lazily sticking something in a slot, then you’re missing out on making the kind of love that could truly nourish you.”

 

By Lucy Moore

 

Plumber’s ‘shocking’ discovery: Where sex toys go to die

A Johannesburg plumber has discovered where sex toys go to die – sewer systems.

The tradesman made the discovery when he was called in to unblock a toilet for new tenants to a Johannesburg property.

He discovered the previous tenants had flushed their sex toys down the toilet.

Sex toys are one of the most common things left behind by tenants,” said Michelle Dickens of TPN credit bureau that vets potential tenants’ financial records. “Obviously, some people want to share their pleasure.”

Dickens asked 1000 estate agents attending various seminars what “odd” things had been left behind by people who moved out of rental properties.

“Sadly, the most common ‘possessions’ left behind were pets.”

Lawyers told of having to serve an eviction order on a woman who had officially changed her name to Dominatrix. Her throne was attached by the sheriff of the court.

“Sometimes spouses get left behind,” said Dickens. She said the partner whose name is on the lease moves out after a fight. The other partner stays behind and then refuses to pay rent, claiming they are not legally liable to pay. These are jokingly referred to as squatting spouses.

“There was also a woman who forgot her dead husband behind in an urn,” said Dickens.

She phoned the estate agent very soon after moving out and the urn was returned to her.

One tenant damaged the entire pool filter system. The neighbour revealed that the woman had washed her giant St Bernard dog in the pool every day and then blow-dried his hair. The hair clogged the filter.

Tracy Pugin, an estate agent in Randburg, said: “Tenants leave behind whatever they decide is of no use to them anymore.”

 

By Katharine Child