Tag Archives: orgasm

9 Ways To Have A LOT More Orgasms As You Age

Is your sexual response lagging lately? You’re not alone. “The truth is we produce less estrogen and testosterone as we age,” says Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., Professor of Sociology at the University of Washington and author of 50 Great Myths of Human Sexuality. The result is not just a slow-down in the frequency of sex, but lower satisfaction. “You have to be more attentive to orgasm than you used to be to achieve it,” she says.

But that’s no reason to give up. “Sex doesn’t have an expiration date,” Dr. Schwartz says. If you want to have more orgasms, here’s what the experts recommend:

1. Cut back on drinking and smoking

“Smoking and drinking are the worst offenders,” says Dr. Schwartz. “They narrow the blood veins and arteries and make it harder to get blood into the genital area.” Stopping or cutting back can enhance orgasm and even revive your sex life.

2. Exercise

Regular workouts can also improve sluggish blood flow, says Joan Price  In fact a University of California at San Diego study showed middle-aged men who started exercising for an hour three to four times a week reported more frequent sexual activity and orgasms. And researchers at the University of Texas at Austin found that when women cycled vigorously for 20 minutes, they boosted blood flow to genital tissue 169 percent. The take-home: “Exercise before sex,” Price advises.

3. Put it on your to-do list

“The more orgasms you have, the easier it will be to have them,” says Price, who advises putting them on the calendar. Schedule two orgasms a week at a minimum, either with a partner or by yourself. “If you get into a regular habit of having orgasms, whether you are in the mood or not, the more you will want them and the more easily they will be to achieve,” she says.

4. Experiment with a vibrator

“The older we get, the more we require extra stimulation in order to get to the same place,” says Laurie Betito, Ph.D., a psychologist specializing in sexuality and author of The Sex Bible for People Over 50. “And women need more direct stimulation to the clitoris.” Vibrators and other sex toys designed to enhance sensation are available from companies like Good Vibrations or even Amazon.

5. Postpone dinner

Romantic dinners aren’t a good idea if you’re thinking about having sex. “They actually make orgasm more difficult because all of your blood flow is directed at the digestive tract instead of the genitals,” Price says. So take a bedroom detour before dining out—or get your meal delivered.

6. Talk about it

As your body ages, your sexual needs also change. “If your partner uses the same techniques that used to get you going, you may not get what you need,” Dr. Betito says. The same goes for your partner. Try to keep the lines of communication open as you notice shifts in your desire and response.

7. Avoid painful sex

Declining estrogen levels can lead to vaginal dryness and irritation—ouch! “Pain takes away the ability to relax in order to experience orgasm,” Dr. Betito says. Talk to your doctor about a prescription estrogen product—vaginal creams or tablets—and stock up on over-the-counter lubricants and moisturizers.

8. Address serious concerns

Rates of erectile dysfunction increase with age, which can wreak havoc on your love life. Lifestyle changes, such as exercising, quitting smoking, and following the Mediterranean diet—rich in fish, nuts, vegetables, and olive oil—can often help. But if problems are severe, ask your physician about other options, from pills to injections.

9. Go solo

Health and relationship changes don’t have to prevent you from experiencing pleasure. Says Price, “Sexuality is something we can celebrate and enjoy, whether or not we have a partner.”

By Beth Howard

5 Ways To Improve Orgasm After Having Your Baby

It’s no secret that having a baby does a number on your sex life. Your body parts are all slightly askew, and it sometimes takes a while to get to know how to make things happen again. If you’re a new mom, exhaustion plus issues with body image can make you apprehensive about jumping back into the sack. And, if you have tried it, and things weren’t as hot and heavy as they had been just a few short months ago, you may be looking for ways to improve orgasm after having your baby.

Dr. Renee Horowitz, a practicing OB-GYN and the Director of Center for Sexual Wellness in Farmington Hills, MI, told Fox News that studies have shown an almost universal decrease in sexual desire among women after they have a baby that generally lasts six to eight weeks. Desire is directly related to reaching orgasm.

Regardless of whether they delivered vaginally or by C-section, most couples also have a decrease in the frequency of their love making for about a year after the baby is born. Horowitz suggests that the reason is hormonal, often having to do with the rising prolactin levels during breastfeeding, and the accompanying decrease in dopamine levels.

If you’re a new mom hoping to improve your sex life and have better orgasms after baby, the good news is that there are a few things that can help.

1. Practice Your Kegels

The pubococcygeal muscle is a sling of striated muscles that holds the genitals in place and is the muscle that begins the orgasm in women, according to Columbia University. This is also the muscle that helps you stop peeing midstream and keeps you from leaking. When you have a baby, this muscle gets stretched out and loses elasticity. Dr. Arnold Kegel’s exercises, consisting of squeezing and relaxing this muscle can help a new mom strengthen the muscle and improve her orgasms.

2. Use Lube

Some new moms experience issues with vaginal dryness that can make intercourse uncomfortable and orgasm difficult to reach. Lisa Pastore, an epidemiologist at the University of Virginia’s obstetrics and gynecology department tells Psychology Today that women should use lube if they need it and never feel guilty about it.

3. Have More Foreplay

Sometimes, the best orgasms come after a lot of foreplay. Foreplay can counteract inadequate lubrication, according to Sex Info by University of California, Santa Barbara and can make you more aroused psychologically and physiologically.

4. Drop Off Baby With Grandma

According to Everyday Family, your brain depends on the amygdala, the part that controls your fear, anxiety, thoughts, and feelings, in order to have a pleasurable sexual experience. In order to focusing during sex and to achieve an orgasm, your amygdala must shut off.

This is hard to do when you are tired and worried about the baby waking in the middle of your lovemaking. Letting Grandma or Auntie babysit for a few hours one day can alleviate some of that stress. It will also allow you and your partner some private time to get to know your post-baby body and your new likes and dislikes and maybe even make the quickies during baby’s nap time more satisfying.

5. Be Open To Alternative Options

Sexologist Dr. Logan Levkoff told Everyday Family that many women are unable to achieve an orgasm through penetration alone. If you are open to other forms of clitoral stimulation such as oral sex and the use of toys, you can improve the probability of better orgasms after baby.

 

By Yvette Manes

Sounds of erotica: This orgasm library tells you what female pleasure really sounds like!

“Vamos, vamos. Ohhhh siii…” the woman moans, as the first visual emerges:

“70% of Spanish people believe that this is the sound of a female orgasm.”

The text gives way to an adult film star in the act. It is her voice we hear — or so it seems before dubbing actress Balbina del Rosario appears, intoning the words and moans in a recording studio as the film plays in the background.
This is the digital advertisement for Orgasm Sound Library, an initiative by Barcelona-based Bijoux Indiscrets calling on women to donate that most intimate of possessions: their orgasms.

“We needed to catch people’s attention over female pleasure, and thought of inviting them to discover what it really sounds like without conforming to porn or Hollywood film theatrics,” says Marta Aguiar, CEO and co-founder of the erotic products brand. “There are over 250 uploads now, and it doesn’t stop.”

Named after Denis Diderot’s 18th century erotic novel Les Bijoux Indiscrets (The Indiscreet Jewels), the 10-year-old company — of, by and for women — undertook the Fiction versus Reality in Sex study in 2015. Their findings: 60 per cent of women moan simply to excite partners during sex, 30 per cent believe orgasms should be mechanical (versus 42 per cent of men), and 43.2 per cent fake it to end unsatisfactory intercourse.

Fiction versus Reality in Sex took shape after Bijoux Indiscrets launched Twenty One, the diamond-shaped vibrator. “At the end of 2014, we realised there was still a lot of confusion around female pleasure. That was the seed of the study,” says Aguiar.

Orgasm Sound Library may be a supplementary project, but it’s also the show-stealer. More than 100 women made themselves heard in the first week of its launch last month, their orgasms being listened to 110,000 times in five days. #OrgasmosReales (#RealOrgasms) trended on Spain Twitter and across the Atlantic, Conan O’Brien featured it on his TBS talk show Conan.

But this female orgasm repository is more than an audio library. A median between research, awareness and performance art, the Orgasm Sound Library website (orgasmsoundlibrary.com) is also home to beautiful data art that unfolds as you play an audio file. Each spiral, cloud or line — in its varied hues — is unique to an orgasm, blipping and growing with the slightest modulation in pitch and frequency. One can filter through the library by most views, most popular, most shared, orgasm duration, or even use specific search terms. Regardless of what you listen to, no two graphics are identical, ringing the gong on an important point: each orgasm is distinctive.

“Since we wanted to visually show the uniqueness of each orgasm, we worked extensively on a data art algorithm to create a unique image per sound. The results are beautiful,” shares Aguiar. “Moans and sound in general, when real, are great communication tools during sex, and communication is key. But when sounds are performed instead of felt, they make less sense.”

The library’s personal treatment also extends to the anonymous uploads. Women can tag and name their orgasms any way they wish, resulting in a cornucopia of appellation delights: The Weekender’, ‘Stairway to Heaven’, ‘Midnight Train’, ‘The Five Point Exploding Heart Technique’, ‘My Finger, My Love So True’ and more across 20 pages. One also observed that the most common tags include #alone, #toy and #clitoris.

Orgasm Sound Library isn’t the first online audio-visual homage to real orgasms. Thirteen-year-old Beautiful Agony is a project where uploaders share videos of themselves climaxing, with a sole focus on their expressions (“Beautiful Agony began as a multimedia experiment, to test a hypothesis that eroticism in human imagery rests not in naked flesh and sexual illustration, but engagement with the face,” says the website). But with its focus on the plurality of the female orgasm and data art as a metaphor for said diversity, Orgasm Sound Library rubbishes the notion that ear-splitting moans equal great orgasms. Your orgasm can sound like anything from a creaky door and expletive-ridden gibberish to a faint sigh or guttural grunt and still be sexy.

Although Marta Aguiar and co-founder Elsa Viegas are yet to analyse geographical data on Orgasm Sound Library, Aguiar admits she’s curious to see if there are notable audial variances by country.

“Women who enjoy their own pleasure are still slut-shamed and that is the biggest brake to real pleasure. It’s not possible to have fun when you are scared of what people may think or say about you,” she concludes, underlining the macro aim of this project.

Come as you are, ladies. And make yourselves heard.

 

By Roshni Nair

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The Kind Of Orgasm Nobody Should Ever Have

Did you know that there is a link between depression and your orgasm? It was shocking for me to read that, according to the National Mental Health Association, there are 12 million women  in America that experience clinical depression each year. Not only that — but one in eight women can expect to develop clinical depression during their lifetime.

According to Dr. Michael L. Krychman, Medical Director of Sexual Medicine Hoag Hospital and Executive Director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivor-ship Medicine, women are more likely to experience atypical depression — they eat more, sleep more and gain weight. Women are about twice as likely as compared to men to suffer from depression. Many factors are implicated in the origin of depression including biological, psychological and social factors. Medical problems can contribute to depression, so it’s always critical to get a comprehensive history and medical examination. Some cultural or psycho social problems that may lead to depression include poor self-image/self-esteem relationship dissatisfaction.

Luckily, there are a variety of treatment modalities that can safely and effectively treat depression. Selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors have become the first choice of antidepressant medications. Many experience life-changing results and return to normal once they have consistently taken these medications. According to the “USA Today” report on Americans taking antidepressants, the amount of Americans using antidepressants doubled in the past — to close to 50 million people.

Not surprisingly, we see that depressed mood and sexual concerns and difficulties — including changes in sexual desire and lowered arousal — are often intertwined. SSRIs can cause many types of sexual concerns, such as the inability to have an orgasm. Lowered sexual interest is common for both men and women. The sexual side effects of SSRIs have been underestimated and at least some health care professionals are reluctant to discuss sexual side effects with their patients.

In my clinical experience it remains critical for these women to maintain their SSRI medications. Depression is devastating. Sexual side effects are often troublesome, but can be addressed in a variety of ways. For instance, I recommend that if they take their medication in the morning, they enjoy morning sex play before their dose. The amount of SSRI in their system may be at its lowest level at this time, and may allow enough escape, so that they can enjoy orgasm. Another excellent solution to heighten your sexual response and improve sexual satisfaction is with Zestra®, a patented blend of botanical oils and extracts that has been clinically proven to be safe and effective. Zestra can be applied topically to help with latency to orgasm and has been reported by many women on SSRI also report improved sexual orgasmic response.

Okay great. We can use topical creams like Zestra or Sex Butter — why not? But there is more.

As a Sex and Relationship Coach, I also think that it’s helpful for women and their partners to separate the idea and concept of “climax” from the idea or concept of orgasm. We live in a very male dominated society — where almost every experience including female sexuality and orgasm are based on a male model. The male model for orgasm is all around ejaculation and climax — the entire experience can happen in three minutes! Women can have an entirely different experience of sexual pleasure — and their experience can be separated into “arousal,” “orgasm,” and “climax.” Women can have tremendous pleasure floating back into the pleasure of arousal and orgasm without a climax. It’s just that we think we are not having an “orgasm” if we don’t experience a “climax.” And that simply isn’t true.

It’s time to change this model for every woman — and for women on anti-depressants, introducing the concept of “The Arousal Principal”, “Slow Sex” or “Organic Orgasm” can be very helpful. Women also have an inner pharmacy and can be taught how to use it doing some very simple meditations that flood the body with endorphins and that can possibly support women in reducing or getting off of anti-depressants in some cases.

I also think that understanding the Orgasm Gap between men and women (which really should be renamed the “Climax Gap”) would help women better understand their sexual responses and reduce anxiety about experiencing feminine erotic pleasure. Men and women are different. Women who are experiencing depression can feel like their erotic response is also depressed. But using tools and information like understanding our arousal, experimenting with arousal gels, lubricants, sex toys such as vibrators, and re-educating ourselves about the female experience of orgasm and climax all can change the game and welcome back pleasure for everyone.

No one should have a depressed orgasm!

By Pamela Madsen

Your Sexual Rights: You Have the Right to Not Be Orgasm-Shamed

There we were, in the midst of what I thought was great sex, when suddenly my partner said, “You ain’t gonna cum anyway,” pulled out, and walked out of the room. At first I wasn’t offended. It was like when you’re dancing with someone at a party and they walk away: You figure they went to the bar; they’ll be back. He must have been joking, I thought! Nope. To him I was a waste of sex time because I didn’t easily arrive at the Ozone. Goodbye, sir.

But then it happened again. A few years later a different partner told me mid thrust, “I don’t know why you’re not letting it happen; you’re making this tough for me.” In so many words, these two told me my vagina was broken.

Guys don’t get it. I always say they have the Tonka truck of reproductive organs. It goes up. It goes down. Voilà. For women the engineering is so complex it should be added to the STEM curriculum. So why do some men shame women for something that’s notoriously hard to reach? I’ll tell you why: Our climaxes are attached to that fragile construct of hypermasculinity.

As women become more and more independent, reclaiming their sexuality, some men feel compelled to assert their dying roles as providers in a heterosexual relationship by taking ownership of our pleasure. So when we don’t orgasm, they see it as emasculation. No wonder so many women have learned to fake it to preserve their partner’s manhood. Well, I never got that memo, so I never faked, and I’m here to tell you YOUR VAGINA IS NOT BROKEN.

I eventually found my orgasm thanks to a now ex who—due either to love or the fact that he didn’t have a job—dedicated himself to locating it. For some it may take sexual maturity, a certain position you have yet to discover, a patient partner, or some dedicated self-exploration. Not everyone will be able to climax via the peen, or want to either. And that’s cool. Regardless, let’s all agree: There’s no room in your vagina for a penis and an ego.

 

By Amanda Seales

 

The Addictive Orgasm Apps Changing Sex Ed

From cartoon vulvas to hyperrealistic reproductions, vaginal stimulation simulation has arrived at the App Store—when Apple isn’t banning them.

In March of last year, Christina Vasiliou published an essay in the Huffington Post about one of her earliest sexual experiences. While fooling around with a clueless guy in her teenage years, she tried to instruct him on how to touch her. Instead of going with the flow and following her gentle guidance, he asked her, disgusted, if she masturbated.

“An 18-year-old boy literally asked how I knew what felt good and could not believe that I masturbated,” Vasiliou told me. “This was definitely an eye-opening moment for me. I came face-to-face with someone who was a product of a society that does not speak openly about women’s pleasure and sexuality. Then, when I reported this situation back to some of my friends, almost everyone had some kind of similar experience, where their pleasure was at best not understood and at worst completely disregarded.”

Vasiliou now works as co-director at OMGYes, a website devoted to exploring the latest research and scientific understandings about variations in female pleasure. Less of a “how-to” guide, OMGYes uses a multimedia arsenal of video testimonials, stats, pointers, and vaginal stimulation simulation technology to educate people about and explore sexuality. The site’s founders, Lydia Daniller and Rob Perkins, wanted to create a place where women and men could get versed on techniques for better orgasms.

“The topic [of female pleasure] is so taboo that even scientists haven’t studied the specific and various ways of touching that feel best for different women. Can you believe that?” Daniller asked. Daniller and Perkins partnered with Indiana University and the Kinsey Institute to conduct a study of over 2,000 women ages 18 to 95 to find out about techniques and pleasure. Their findings were peer-viewed and presented at the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health. “We started the company to conduct research and get the findings to people in a way that’s fun, experiential, and practical.”

Navigating through OMGYes can be overwhelming, but only because nothing like this has existed before. It’s like an interactive pamphlet from the free clinic, except it’s not about herpes or breast cancer, but how you can achieve better orgasms with or without a companion. There are 12 categories of varying techniques like edging (“bigger orgasms by approaching and denying it”) and multiples (“overcoming sensitivity to build multiple orgasms”), featuring videos of women telling stories and demonstrating their own techniques. But what makes OMGYes truly unique—in fact, a little bizarre—is that it loads a very real virtual vagina for the user to practice their new skills on.
“We went back and forth for years about the simulation,” Daniller said. “Making it feel real, but not like being with a lover—like being with a friend who is showing you what she likes and guiding you to practice it.”

OMGYes is not the only digital company providing vaginal stimulation simulation. HappyPlayTime is a site created by Tina Gong that features a chubby, bouncing, cartoon vagina that talks to the user and shows her how to masturbate through a series of interactive games that unlock levels revealing pleasure education. Although not nearly as real as the photographic vulvas featured on OMGYes, HappyPlayTime is like a sexual education video game, something girls at summer camp could play. The little vulva character actually looks like a baby, which even Gong admits is a bit ridiculous.

“I think every product naturally comes from trying to solve a problem that you have, or in this case, finding harmony for parts of yourself that feel dissonant,” Gong says. “I grew up in a conservative family and was really sensitive to the expectations that culture placed on me—so much so that I grew up alienated from my own body.” Gong’s mother was very strict, and she cut off contact with Gong when she found out she was having sex before marriage, even though Gong was in a long-term monogamous relationship. “[Creating HappyPlayTime] was actually something that was very selfish,” she says. “[It’s] how I learned to overcome my own embarrassment over sex and sexuality. It’s like playing a little trick on your mind: Do something that you’re uncomfortable with, put your whole heart into it, and suddenly you don’t fear it anymore.”

 

Vaginal stimulation simulation apps were recently in the news when a popular program, La Petite Mort, was banned from the Apple App Store for being “excessively objectionable or crude.” Created by the small Danish studio Lovable Hat Cult, La Petite Mort allows users to play with a heavily pixelated vulva while the presumed woman attached to it reacts to the user’s touch.

“Apple is very strict about their non-pornography terms,” says Lovable Hat Cult producer Andrea Hasselager. “Even art games that do not contain any explicit content are still being banned from the App Store. [La Petite Mort] focuses on a very human and positive feeling, but somehow we have formed our society so that this is seen as objectionable, while Kamasutra apps are somehow OK?”

Hasselager explains that Apple’s complaint was that users are actually touching a sexual organ in the game, so despite the fact that the female body part is so pixelated it looks like a blob of colors, it’s the insinuated stimulation that they find inappropriate. (Hasselager claims the Apple representative even played the “well, you’re European” card to explain why her company wouldn’t find such a game objectionable.)

Hasselager and co-creator Patrick Jarnfelt made La Petite Mort for the same reasons most of these other companies did: to expand and normalize the conversation about female sexual pleasure. The difference is that La Petite Mort is in no way educational—just erotic and fun. Marketed as a “one-of-a-kind erotic digital experience,” the game features different vulvas, each with different preferences and responses to user-initiated stimuli. If something feels good to the virtual vagina, pleasure emanates from the stimulated spot, until eventually the entire screen reaches an obvious climax; if something isn’t so great, the implied woman behind the vagina will respond with a text message that says, “Slow down,” or, “I’m sensitive.”

 

“Many women are still too timid to express their desires and wishes sexually, and this will lead to an unsatisfying sex life,” says Hasselager. “Even in places like Denmark, where we talk so openly about sexuality and sex. With [La Petite Mort] we wanted to convey more of a feeling and art experience, an opening to the touching and hearing senses, and not just the visual.”

Although playing with virtual vagina feels disconnected, strange at first and maybe even ridiculous, time spent on these websites and apps becomes addicting and wildly entertaining. HappyPlayTime’s cartoon vulva feels like a baby step into the hyperrealistic world of OMGYes.

“When online dating first started, people asked, ‘Should technology enter into our love lives? Is it good for humans? Will it replace our face-to-face interactions?'” remembers Rob Perkins, of OMGYes. “And then, over time, everyone realized that the tech was useful and additive. In the same way, OMGYes has technology designed to make our offline experience more fulfilling. The simulations are technology in service of empathy.”

 

By Mish Barber Way

Masturbation Month: How to have better orgasms

Okay, before we get into this, I have something important to say.

Sex is not all about orgasms. You can still have a great time without having one. Sex is not a goal-based activity that’s only being ‘done right’ if you both have an earth-shattering climax. The female orgasm is not activated through the pressing of a button, it doesn’t happen every time, and neither person has failed if it isn’t achieved – as long as you’ve both enjoyed yourself.

That being said, orgasms are a glorious thing.

And throughout masturbation month (that’s the month of May, by the way. Pop it in your calendar for next year), what we’ve really been getting at is the idea that if you want a better sex life and, as a result, better orgasms, the best course of action is having sex solo, and working out exactly what it is that gets you off – and exactly how to do it.

Which is why the first tip on our guide to having better orgasms is experimenting, and being open to trying new things. Once you’ve got into that open, up-for-exploring mindset, you can move on to the other things on the list to improve not just the likelihood of having orgasms, but also their intensity and general joy.

Here’s what you need to know to get the best orgasms yet.

1. Schedule in time to work out what you like

I asked the masturbation geniuses behind OMGYes for their tips on having the best orgasms, and their response was eye-opening.

They gave me a trial of their website, which has interactive (no, seriously, you’re stimulating a woman through your mouse and she’s providing feedback. It’s intense) guides to some ways that real women make themselves come.

What was really interesting is how specific each of the women were about what works for them. One mentioned how she liked a medium pressure on a certain point to the left of the labia. Another preferred teasing timed to a T.

The only way they could possibly know this? By dedicating some serious time to masturbation, trying things out, and following what feels good.

So copy them. Write it in your planner if you need to. Be open to trusting in your own pleasure.

2. If you’re unsure of where to start when masturbating, here are some moves that lots of women enjoy

Data provided by OMGYes.

Location of touches preferred by women:

  • Around the clit and hood – preferred by 1 in 2 women
  • Brushing over the clit with no pressure – preferred by 1 in 4 women
  • No touching of the clit at all – preferred by 1 in 20 women
  • Pressure on the mons, above where pubic hair grows – preferred by 1 in 12 women

Types of pressure women prefer:

  • 31% of women love pressure so light it glides over the wetness, not even the skin
  • 25% of women love light pressure that moves over the skin, but doesn’t grip
  • 33% of women love medium pressure that gently grips and actually moves the skin
  • 11% of women love firm, massaging pressure that pushes deep into the skin

Type of strokes preferred (most women rotate between several, which is why the % adds up to more than 100):

  • 64% Up and down
  • 30% Side-to-side
  • 50% Circular
  • 21% Pulsating in one spot
  • 19% Pushing/pressing in one spot
  • 16% Flicking
  • 14% Tall ovals
  • 11% Tapping
  • 10% Diagonal
  • 10% Wide ovals
  • 8% Squeezing/pinching
  • 5% Pulling

3. Do your kegels

No, not just the ones you do every time you read the word ‘kegels’ and remember you’re supposed to be doing something with your vag muscles.

You want to be doing a round of kegels about three times a week to really see the benefits (better orgasms and less likelihood of peeing when you sneeze. Great stuff).

Here’s how they’re done.

How to do kegels:

  • Pretend you’re trying to stop peeing mid-flow. Feel those muscles? Those are the ones you need to squeeze
  • Squeeze the muscles for three seconds, without clenching your stomach, thighs, or bum (if they’re the things that are clenching, you go back to step one) and relax for three seconds
  • Repeat around ten times. Don’t do too many as you may start feeling sore.
  • Once they feel really easy, you can increase the number of seconds you squeeze until you’re up to ten seconds each time

There are also products like LELO’s Luna Smart Bead that can provide feedback on your kegels as you do them, so you won’t be worrying that you’re using the completely wrong muscles.

4. Stop faking your orgasms

But before you do THAT, you’ll need to be honest with your partner and make it very, very clear that orgasms don’t happen every time, and it’s not a failure on their part if it just doesn’t happen. That’s important.

Then you’ll be able to feel more comfortable with not having to fake it, because the pressure to climax won’t be there.

 

The 24 emotional stages of faking an orgasm

That way you can relax (increasing your chance of having a real orgasm), but it’ll also open up the lines of communication about what does get you off.

Because if your partner thinks you’re cumming every time, they’re convinced that what they’re doing is working. If it isn’t, it’s time to open up about it and start having the amazing sex you deserve.

5. Don’t underestimate the power of teasing

Sex toy brand LELO told us that the most intense orgasms tend to be the ones that are staved off as long as possible.

‘An orgasm has a kind of potential energy, like a twisted elastic band,’ they explained.

‘The longer it’s twisted, the more energy it will release, and the same is true of the energy released at climax.’

So go slow and do loads of build up – whether you’re having sex solo or with a partner – and try slowing down just when you’re about to have an orgasm, then slowly starting up again, to tease yourself to a stronger, more intense orgasm.

6. Don’t feel weird about watching porn

You might be into it. Drop the stigma and find porn that you like.

Or, try subscribing to OMGYes. It’s not porn, but offers instructional videos to get you feeling inspired, masturbation-wise. It’s life-changing, trust us.

How to have better orgasms

7. Remember that the majority of women experience clitoral orgasms rather than G-spot orgasms

Many people don’t even think the G-spot exists.

So try to focus on stimulating the clit, whether it’s friction, gentle stroking over the hood, or tapping motions that work best for you. Don’t feel like a failure if you’re not cumming through purely penetrative stuff – very few women actually do.

8. Check your medication

If you’re never having orgasms or consistently having weaker orgasms than you’d usually expect, it’s definitely worth checking the side-effects of any medication you’re taking.

Painkillers can throw off your orgasms, and many anti-depressants can reduce your sexual pleasure. Chat to your doctor about it if you think there’s a problem – switching to a different brand might make things SO much better.

9. Try a new masturbation position

LELO recommends sitting upright with your back against a headboard or a wall, with the soles of your feet facing each other (kind of like that lotus position in yoga). This position improves blood flow to your vagina and allows better control of your muscles, increasing the likelihood of orgasm. Exciting.

10. There are certain times that your orgasms are more intense

Just FYI, where you are in your cycle can affect the strength of your orgasms. A study of 18-35 year old women showed that orgasms are strongest on the 14th day of the menstrual cycle (when you’re ovulating), as the clitoris swells up to 20% more than usual.

So maybe take note and schedule in some downtime then.

11. Be open to trying a sex toy

We get that it can be a bit intimidating to shop for a vibrator for the first time (which is why we wrote up a guide).

But if you’re struggling to orgasm alone or just want to make things a bit more fun, it’s definitely worth trying out a tool specifically designed for that purpose.

12. Try orgasm-friendly breathing techniques

Kind of like meditation, but for orgasms. Here’s a good guide.

13. Make your orgasms a priority

No, orgasms are not the sole purpose of sex and masturbation, and you can still have pleasure without having one.

But we need to stop acting like being entirely orgasm free every. single. time. is okay. It’s not. You deserve orgasms. They’ll do you a world of good.

6 girls answer the questions boys want to know about female masturbation

If you’re having sex with someone and they’re consistently finishing before you, feeling disappointed that you haven’t come, but not actually asking how to make you climax, you need to bring it up. Now.

Next time you have sex focus on your pleasure. Or if you’re not having sex with other people right now, actively schedule in some time for yourself to have orgasms.

Your pleasure can’t be the bottom thing on your to-do list. It’s important. It’s time to make it happen.

 

By Ellen Scott